Wait! Wait! Wait!

During Annie there were many photos taken of us. Naturally we wanted to document that we had been a real play and how much fun we had doing it. But it brought to my attention the hard cold facts. As I looked at pictures of myself on stage there was no denying it, I was BIG.

Now, I know that I'm overweight. I have ALWAYS been overweight or heavier than your average bear. But I was still rolling around on the floor with my kids, coaching softball, teaching, in ANNIE for goodness sake. I can still do stuff. I'm hip. I'm with it.

Seeing the facts in black and white of me on stage, twice the size of anyone else on stage was pretty harsh. I cried. I got depressed. I felt awful the second Friday show and was really self conscience. At some point though, I realized that everyone had been seeing me this way for months. It was just me that had changed their perspective of what I looked liked. I relaxed and had a great show Saturday to finish off our performances.

I guess the hardest part of all this is that I like where I am in life. We finally have our own home. Brent's business is doing well. I've been working regularly. The kids are at a great school. I have AWESOME friends in every avenue that pick me up and help me get through those rough days. I like the inside of me pretty well.

So how do I fix the outside?

I went back to weight watchers this week. I'm down 13 lbs since I started back in February. I reached out to some Annie friends who are behind me 100% and we are starting to exercise together on a regular basis. I also REALLY want to do a 5k this fall. I think I'm going to just sign up and then if I walk the whole thing, who cares! At least I started somewhere right!  No matter the slip ups and slides back, I'm going to continue to move forward on this journey and eventually will match the inside with the out.