Yesterday in Relief Society we discussed becoming spiritually strong. I, like many women, don't believe myself to be even remotely close to 'strong'. I do say my prayers when I go to bed and throughout the day so I try not to yell, scream, or kill anyone. I look at my scriptures often, but hardly ever sit down and open them. I get to church every Sunday, but lately it is more out of obligation to make sure I teach my children that that is what is done, not because I'm excited to go.
I think a lot of it has to do with my pregnancy. I'm tired, uncomfortable, irritable, emotional, and sometimes dizzy / sick to my stomach. I had a very close friend tell me recently that she purposefully didn't become my friend while pregnant with Ben because I'm just not a nice pregnant person. (And somehow that is ok with me...that I'm not nice I mean.) Is it bad to feel this way? Should I try to be a nicer person? Because most of the time it just feels like a lot of energy.
I do want to be a good example to my kids, so I have been patient with them. Our bishop asked our family to read the Book of Mormon this Summer and be done by August 8th. (I'm not sure we will make it, but we are reading each night anyway.) It is a good habit to get into and I'm glad we are doing it.
So tonight Brent came home to help feed, bathe, and get kids to bed then headed back to work. I thought I would try the steps that were suggested on Sunday. They included:
- Meditate
- Resolve
- Plan
- Pray
- Fast
- Study
- Serve
- Thank
The kids were in bed. TV off. Brent gone. I thought this will be the perfect time. So, I sat there. Trying to think about my relationship with Christ. But my brain function has obviously slowed WAY down now that my child is sucking all of the thinking skills away from it. I seriously couldn't go any deeper than, "I think I should read my scriptures." I felt kind of lame. After a good 20 minutes of sitting there, not feeling spiritual in the least, I gave up. I realize my effort was also rather lame, but I tried right? I'm not giving up, just rethinking my strategy. Maybe night time is not the best time for tired, sore, brainless pregnant lady. Maybe mornings are better. Eventually I have to get passed the first stage right?
2 comments:
So, not to be bossy or anything, but read your scriptures! If that's what ya got, go for it. I think, we always expect a burning bush, but it's the simple steps that build a solid foundation.
The Lord does not expect us to do more than we can so be sure to realize your limits. It's great you're even putting forth this effort.
Hoenstly friend. I struggle with reading my scriptures. I watch others who dive into their scriptures, but right now...I am so mentally exhausted I can't get my heart into it. Then I realized. I am on a spiritual plateau. I amd stuck and soon my spiritual self will take off, but I am so tired of the mundane everyday fights with myself that I can't stand it!!! Hang in there. You'll begin to spiritually soar again!!! Love ya!
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